


Regret

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-06-28
Updated: 2009-07-20
Packaged: 2019-01-19 22:22:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12419478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: James hasn't had a reason to be mad at Lily... until now





	1. Regrets

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

**_A/N:_ ** _This story is unbetad, so there might be some mistakes. I am from Sweden, so don’t be surprised if there are any mistakes._

**_Disclaimer:_ ** _I don’t own these characters. They belong to JK Rowling!_

 

 

”Are you leaving already??”

Lily grimaced, and shut her eyes, before letting out a long, deep sigh, hopefully unnoticed by James. She pulled her top quickly over her torso, before turning to James, who was now sitting up on his bed, reaching for his glasses. Lily had to concentrate hard not to join him there, kissing his naked chest, and… 

_Enough, Lily_ , she thought. James looked at her, expecting an answer from her. 

“Yes, James, I’m leaving,” she said tiredly. “I have things to do, essays to finish.”

James frowned at her.

“Three in the morning?” He asked her. 

“Er… yeah. “ 

James quirked an eyebrow skeptically, and then tugged on Lily’s arm, so that she lay sprawled on top of him. He smirked, as he tucked some of her hair behind her ear, and pulled her into a kiss.

“You little tease,” he murmured, before rolling, so that he was lying on top of her, kissing her again, letting his tongue explore her mouth. His hands wandered under her top, and Lily let out a moan of pleasure, before remembering that she was about to leave.

“James,” she began, but quickly forgot about it, when his lips travelled down on her neck. She closed her eyes, and let out another moan.  His lips, his touches and everything about him made her feel lost.

“Yes, love?” he muttered against the skin of her neck.

Lily let out a gasp of air when James pushed his hips against her.

“James, I really need to go,” she breathed into his ear. She really didn’t want to leave, but she knew that she had to.

He stopped abruptly, and hoisted himself on his arms above her.

“Why?”

Lily sat up unwillingly, so James could move away from her.

“I have to,” she whispered.

James let out a deep, frustrated sigh, before speaking again.

“You regret it.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement.

Lily swallowed, and refused to look at him.

“James, I’m—“

 

“Don’t bother.”

His voice was suddenly dark, and filled with anger. Lily had never seen or heard him be this angry before.

“Why?” he asked her with a shaky voice. “You were the one who initiated it. You were the one who dragged me in here last night, you were the one who desperately—“

“It’s not like that, James,” Lily tried, but James wouldn’t have it.

“So, what was it then?” He growled angrily. “Was I just… convenient, or what the hell is this all about?”

Lily didn’t look at him. She didn’t know what to say to him, because she knew that whatever she was going to say, he’d get hurt by her words. 

She wasn’t exactly sure why things had gone as it had the night before; all she could remember was that they had had a huge fight in the Heads Common room about nothing in particular, and it all somehow ended with heated snogging, and then they had ended up in James’s bed.

“It was just… a heat of the moment thing,” Lily said quietly. 

It wasn’t really true. Lily was sure that she had strong feelings for James. The problem was that she had no idea if James’s feelings for her were true or not. He kept telling her that he loved her, but what if it wasn’t true? What if it was all just a game to him?

“So, that’s it?” James blurted out, causing Lily to jump. “You just gave into the moment? Having a good snog, having good shag? And I just happened to be there?”

His voice sounded different somehow. It was shaking with anger, and his eyes… it was all new to Lily. This was the first time he had actually become angry at her. She never would’ve imagined that something like this was going to cause it.

“Don’t be stupid, James, of course—“

A loud snort interrupted her.

“Save your breath, Evans,” Said James coldly. He got up from the bed, and put on a pair of trousers. Then he bent down to the floor, and tossed her sweater to her. she caught it hastily, and stared at James.

“Do me a favor Evans,” he said, walking over to the door, holding it up. “Don’t come to me next time. I suppose Snivellus could need a shag as well.”

Lily thought she was going to burst into tears right then and there. She held it in, but it wasn’t easy.

“James, don’t say that, I—“

“Thanks for your time. You may leave.”

 He opens the door wider. Lily hesitates, and then leaves the room, without glancing at him. The moment the door is shut, she kneels down, and starts to cry.

 

 

 

End of chapter one. I’ll try to finish the second chapter as soon as I can. Meanwhile, why don’t you review, and tell me what you think? //Sazzy

 


	2. How it happened

**A/N: I’m sorry for the delay. I had writer’s block while writing it, but it finally released its grip on me, and let me finish the chapter. There were supposed to be only two chapters, but I’m leaving it to three instead.**

**This part is about how everything happened. I hope you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters! They belong to JK Rowling!**

 

 

_”This has to be a joke!”_

_Lily stared at the floor in the Head’s common room with widen eyes and utter disbelief. It was a huge mess, and Lily couldn’t understand how or why it had turned to be this way._

_There were only one person who could possibly know, and he was now peeping his head from the bathroom door, looking at Lily._

_“What is?” James asked her, looking confused. Lily sent him a death glare, and almost choke when she realized that he was wearing nothing, but a pair of trousers. His chest was bare, and his hair was wet and tousled._

_“What do you think, Potter?” She tried to concentrate on not looking at his bare chest. She motioned a hand towards the floor, to show him the mess that hadn’t been there earlier._

_James stepped out fully from the bathroom, and he ran his hand through his already disheveled hair, and a blush crept on his face._

_“Oh,” he said, looking away. “Er… I was meant to clean that up,” he said._

_Lily let out a loud snort._

_“Yeah, you better!” she warned him. “Because I am not going to clean up after you again!”_

_James looked at her for a moment, before heading his way towards her. Lily almost caught her breath mid-air, but relaxed when he bent down in front of her, to pick up the mess he had created._

_It was always like this nowadays. His presence always made her nervous, ever since they had become friends, when they had found out that they had to work with each other, as Head Girl and Head boy._

_They had grown closer to each other, and turned into really good friends, but there were still some of James’s habits that could anger Lily, for example this, not cleaning up his things after himself._

_And lately, it had been harder and harder for Lily to be around James, without blushing all the time. The fact that he now was shirtless didn’t make the whole thing better._

_She wondered what it was like to touch those muscled arms, and tanned, broad chest of his._

_Just the thought of it made her face heat up, and she cursed herself inwardly for thinking such thing, especially when he was right in front of her._

_James didn’t seem to be unaware of her staring, and let a mischievous grin spread on his face._

_“Like what you see, little bee?”_

_Lily scoffed, both at the nickname he had given her ages ago, but mostly because of the comment._

_“Don’t flatter yourself, James,” she said, taking her eyes from him quickly. “I was only making sure you wouldn’t miss anything.”_

_James stood up fully on his feet, still with that wicked grin of his attached on his face, and looked at her, with a playful glint in his eyes._

_Lily swallowed nervously, as he made his way over to her. He stopped right in front of her, and Lily had no choice than to look at him._

_“Right,” he said, followed by a soft chuckle._

_It took Lily a second or two, until her brain finally found its way back to normal. She put on a devilish smile on her face, and placed her palms gently on James’s chest, and looked up at him, with big, innocent eyes._

_The sudden movement seemed to startle James, because he was staring at her, with such surprise, that he couldn’t get a word out of his mouth. It caused Lily to smile even more, and even if her heart was trying to beat its way out of her chest, she gently rubbed her palms against his chest, and licked her lips seductively._

_James’s body stiffened, and a groan escaped his lips, as his breathing became heavier and heavier._

_“You don’t believe me, James?” Said Lily softly, tilting her head slowly, as she looked at him, still with innocence in her eyes. “Just because other girls happen to like it,” she went on. “It doesn’t mean that I do.”_

_She stepped closer, and felt more nervous. She wasn’t meant to go this far, but she couldn’t help it. His skin felt so good against her palms, and she needed so much more…_

_“That’s funny,” said James suddenly, his voice hoarse, but determined. “Seeing as you obviously can’t keep your hands off me.”_

_Lily stopped abruptly, and stared at him. He was grinning like mad, and by the look on his face, he was completely satisfied over the conclusion he had just made._

_She quickly let go of him, and backed away._

_“Y- You bastard!” she yelled, as he was laughing whole heartedly._

_“Now, Lily,” said James, still laughing. “Aren’t I right?”_

_“Of course not!  I was only teasing.”_

_James stepped closer to her again, his eyes gleaming with joy._

_“You expect me to believe that?”_

_Lily had to think for a moment, think of something to say. But he was standing so dangerously close, that she could feel his breath against her forehead, and her fingers were itching to touch those toned muscles of his again…_

_So she couldn’t say anything, but “Oh, shut up!” and pull him down, for a hot, passionate, and unexpected kiss._

_His response came a bit late, since he hadn’t had the chance to understand what had just happen. However, once he know ledged the occasion, he wrapped his arms tightly around her, and responded the kiss eagerly._

_The feeling of being snogged by James like this was overwhelming, but she still wasn’t satisfied. She wanted, no, needed more of him._

_She clung closer to him, eager to fill every gap between them, as if their lives were depending on it. The kiss got more intense, and even more heated up, as James suddenly lifted her, and pressed her against the wall._

_She let out a loud gasp, and wrapped her legs around his waist. She could feel his erection between her thighs, and her desire increased with an enormous power, and she decided what she wanted to do. It didn’t matter if it was wrong or not. She needed it. She needed him._

_“James,” she breathed into his ear. He was kissing her neck hungrily, but looked at her as she called his name. His eyes were dark with want and desire._

_“C- Can we go to your room?” she asked him. She wrapped her arms and legs more tightly around him, so that she wouldn’t fall._

_“Are you sure?” James whispered._

_“Please?”_

_James looked at her for a long moment, and then nodded, before letting her down. Lily gave him a quick kiss, and then took his hand, and led him into his dorm._

**A/N: So, what do you think? Was it good? Bad? Please tell me what you think! I’m going to start withthe third chapter very soon, and it’ll take off where the first chapter ended.**


	3. Forgiven?

**I’ve finally finished the last chapter of this story. I hope you’ll like it. I had a hard time writing it, but it went well. There might be some grammar mistakes, and lots of repeats. I really need a beta, so if someone would like to beta this for me, PM me. I mean the whole story. Enjoy the last chapter!**

**A/N: These characters belongs to JK Rowling, and only her. I don’t own anything.**

 

 

He knew right away that something wasn’t right.  He knew it as soon as he had seen him set his foot into the Common room in the morning.

Sirius looked at James, feeling a slight worry when he saw that miserable expression attached on his face. His eyes were red, and there were bags under them. His lips weren’t tugged into a smile as it usually was, but was instead forming a thin line.

Something had definitely happened.

“Prongs?” he asked his best friend, as he had reached his way over to Sirius, who was sitting on his favorite armchair in front of the fireplace. As he mentioned his nickname, Remus, who was sitting on the floor by his feet, with _The Daily Prophet_ clutched in his hands, looked up at James as well. 

“Mate, what’s wrong?” Sirius tried again. 

James let out a long sigh.

“Don’t want to talk about it,” he said quietly. “Didn’t get much sleep. Shall we head down for breakfast?”

There was something about his tone when he spoke that made Sirius really worry. He glanced over at Remus, and they exchanged worried looks. He had noticed it too.

“Yeah,” said Sirius, now standing on his feet. 

Perhaps he had just had a bad nightmare, Sirius thought to himself, as they headed down to the Great Hall.

_But, then again, no,_ said another voice in his head. A nightmare wouldn’t cause James to be in this mood. There was something else, something that clearly had destroyed James.

_Perhaps this might cheer him up_ , he thought smugly, when he saw a familiar red haired girl ahead of them. He nudged James playfully on his ribs, and waited for the huge grin appears on his face.  If someone could make the gloominess disappear from James, it was, with no doubt, Lily Evans.

But the reaction he got from James was so shocking, that Sirius froze on the spot.

He snorted! He was snorting at Lily Evans, the girl he was madly in love with! He even refused to look at her, once she walked passed them! 

Lily looked like she had had a terrible night as well. Her eyes were red and puffy, and she was looking at James, with a pleading, almost painful look on her face.

This worried Sirius immensely.  

He looked at James again, and this time, he looked more hurt than ever. 

Remus grabbed Sirius arm, and leaned in to whisper.

“We need to talk,” he said hurriedly, quietly enough not to let James hear.  “Marauder’s urgent meeting.”

Sirius nodded in agreement.

“Yeah.  Where’s Wormtail?”

“Dunno,” said Remus with a shrug. “Saw him leave our dorm early this morning. I guess it’ll be just the two of us.”

 

So later, the two of them went to take a walk around the lake, to have their privet talk.

“We seem to have a big Prongs problem,” said Sirius, kicking away a little stone, as they walked. 

“I think I know what this is about,” he heard Remus mutter; Sirius stopped, and looked at him.

“Did he tell you anything?”

“No. But you don’t need to be smart to figure out that this has something to do with a certain Head Girl.”

“You think they had another fight?” Sirius asked him. “They’ve been fighting a lot, it’s nothing new.”

“I think there’s more behind it,” said Remus. “I saw something interesting last night, while checking out the map.”

They both stopped. Sirius looked at Remus curiously.

“Spill.”

“Let’s not jump into conclusions,” said Remus hurriedly. “I might have read it all wrong.”

“Moony!” Sirius whined. “Will you please tell me what you saw?”

“All right, calm down a bit, will you?”

Remus sat down on the grass, and Sirius joined him, fingering on the grass impatiently, while waiting for Remus to explain.

“I think they’ve been sleeping together. At least that’s what the map showed. They were in the same bed for hours, James’s bed.”

“Are you sure?” Sirius looked at Remus with disbelief. 

“It’s what I saw,” said Remus with a shrug. “Whatever happened, something needs to be done. “

“But if they slept together,” said Sirius thoughtfully.  “Why does he look so unhappy? He loves the girl. Shouldn’t he be doing the happy dance?”

It took a while for Remus to speak. He glanced over at the water.

“Moony?”

“We should talk to Lily.” Remus looked at Sirius again, looking determined.

“She’ll just deny it,” said Sirius.

“It’s worth a try,” Remus challenged. “Whatever happened between them, we need to help.” He raised his eyebrow at Sirius. “Or, do you prefer James being like this?”

Sirius shook his head.

“Of course not! It’s just… this is Lily we’re talking about. She’s not the easiest person to talk to, is she?”

A little smirk played on Remus’s lips.

“Well,” he said, his eyes gleaming playfully. “I guess we have to do it the hard way.”

Sirius grinned widely.

“Brilliant!”

 

Lily hadn’t slept much for the rest of the night.

She felt horrible, for hurting James’s feelings like that, and the matter didn’t help when he had looked at her with such hurt expression on his face earlier after she had had breakfast.

She knew that she had to talk to him, fully explain to him what it was all about. Admit that she was scared that she was just someone to play around with, until he got bored, and went to another girl.

But last night had proved her wrong. The way he had looked at her, before throwing her out of his dorm…

It haunted her.  It had made it perfectly clear that everything was real to him. It had been real to her too, she knew that. She had loved every second, enjoyed every touch.

 

She sighed miserably, and turned the page on her book, without any interest. She was sitting in the library, the only place she knew he wouldn’t show up. Not like he would seek her up.

He hated her now, she was sure of it. And he had every right to.

She let out another frustrated sigh, and shut the book. There was no point reading, when she couldn’t concentrate.

“Tired, little bee?”

The sudden voice startled Lily. She jumped out of her chair hastily, to face the speaker. It was none other than Sirius and Remus. They both looked at her seriously, and Lily understood at once where this was going. 

“What do you want?” She muttered, too tired to argue.

“Just a little talk, Lily, that’s all,” said Remus kindly, smiling at her.

But Lily knew better than that.  The Marauders didn’t just “have a talk” with anyone. 

“I really don’t have any time for a chat right now, Remus,” she said tiredly. She picked up her bag on the floor, and took the book to put it back on the shelf.

“You don’t understand, Lily,” said Sirius, who now was standing closely beside her. “You don’t have a choice here.”

Lily rolled her eyes.

“I figured,” she murmured irritably.  “Look, I am really tired right now, so if we perhaps could take it some other time, I—“

“Oh, no, Lily.” This time it was Remus who spoke, on her other side. He grabbed her arm, and Sirius did the same with the other.

“I’m afraid this can’t wait,” said Remus, now dragging her out of the library together with Sirius. “This is urgent business.”

“Of course it is.” Lily rolled her eyes once again, and shrugged their grips off her arms. “All right, I’ll go with you, but I can walk myself, mind you!”

They let go of her, and she followed them unwillingly into the Room of Requirement.  The room was small, and covered with chairs, armchairs and comfortable looking sofas.  They led her into the room, and gently pushed her down on an armchair, and then sat in front of her. 

Sirius grabbed a bowl of chocolate frogs on a table nearby.

“Want some?” He asked her, holding the bowl in front of her. She shook her head, and he was just about to put it back on the table, when Remus hastily grabbed the bowl, clutching it with a firm grip, and began to eat. 

“Anyway,” Sirius began, grimacing at Remus. “We seem to have bit of a problem here.” He gave Lily a meaningful look.

“I know what this is all about.” Lily inhaled a deep sigh. “What did he tell you?”

Remus and Sirius exchanged looks, and looked back at Lily again.

“He didn’t tell us anything,” Said Remus. “The map did, and it never lies.”

Lily blushed furiously.

_Great,_ she thought. _So they know I slept with James. Could this get any worse?_

“We don’t know what happened,” Remus continued. “But whatever did happen, it clearly destroyed James.  It needs to be fixed.”

“You don’t have to tell me that,” Lily muttered. “Listen, I know you care about him, and I’m sure he appreciates your help,” she alleged. “But this is between me and James, and don’t think I enjoy this. I hurt his feelings, and I feel awful about it. I’ll talk to him later, if he’ll let me, that is.”

She muttered the last few words mainly to herself than to them.

“Well, good,” said Sirius, leaning back on the chair. He crossed his arms, looked at her with a bitter look on his face.

“But if it happens again,” he warned her. “We won’t go easy on you. You were just lucky this time.”

Lily got up from the armchair, scowling at the boys.

“Understood. Now, may I leave?”

“You may.”

“Thank you.”

And with those words, Lily stormed out from the Room of Requirement, utterly relieved to have it over with, but also feeling quite nervous as well. She swallowed hard, before she went to look for James.

oOo 

James couldn’t remember the last time he had been this angry. He was usually a cheerful bloke, who never cared about what people thought of him, someone who made life into something positive, even through the hardest times.

However, last night he had been so humiliated, and not by anyone, but by the girl he had loved for so long.

He was hurt. Heartbroken. He was a bloody mess.

He hadn’t had the guts to even tell his best mates about it. it was too humiliating, even if he knew that they would never make fun of him.

He was ashamed of himself. He had let himself give into her charm. One look into those beautiful emerald eyes, and he was lost. Lost in her beauty.

He hated this. He loved her so much, that it was painful. It’s not like he had wanted it. it had been a game to him in the beginning, but it had turned into something more powerful. He had learnt more and more about her, found something about her that were both thrilling and terrifying. She was so much more than brain and good looks. She was perfection. Everything she did, she did with passion, and there was something about her that had made James fall hard for her.

Last night, though, he had discovered that she wasn’t as perfect as he had thought. It had been the happiest night of his life; every touch of her lips had taken his breath away. It had been one of those moments he had hoped would last for eternity. It had meant so much to him.

But she had used him. James couldn’t believe he had been stupid enough to actually believe that she loved him.  If he had known that it was going to be like this, he never would have agreed to sleep with her. 

He groaned, and buried his face into his hands. He was sitting in the Heads common room. Lily was probably in the library, studying, and pretending like nothing had happened or maybe she was using her charm to use another poor bloke…

He shut his eyes painfully. Deep down he knew she wouldn’t do that. She wasn’t like that at all. He had just been an exception. Perhaps it was revenge for all he had caused her the previous years. Perhaps she had just pretended to be his friend this year.

Maybe she didn’t care at all about him.

“James?”

His heart fluttered painfully in his chest when he heard her soft, hesitant voice saying his name. Merlin, she wasn’t making this easier.

He didn’t look up, but let his face remain into his hands.

“Leave me alone.”

He heard a deep sigh, and felt the cushion sink beside him on the sofa, telling him that she wasn’t going to leave.

He groaned mentally. She could be so stubborn…

“James, please…” her voice was pleading, and James felt the painful hammer in his chest again. He had to resist the urge to take her into his arms, to inhale the sweet scent of her hair…

He finally looked up at her, ready to snap at her. His voice was caught in his throat when he looked at her. She was crying. Her eyes were red and puffy, silent tears ran down her cheeks, as she bit her under lip, probably to prevent herself from burst into tears.

James had never seen her so beautiful before.

He wanted to touch her so badly, wrap his arms around her, comfort her with sweet words, telling her that everything would be all right…

“I’m so sorry, James,” she whispered. James had to look away from her. He couldn’t bear it.

“Why, Lily?” he finally croaked. 

She didn’t answer right away. When James assumed she didn’t have a good reason, he sighed, and got up on his feet, ready to leave, but she spoke again.

“I don’t know,” she said quietly. James stopped, still refusing to look at her. His breathing became heavier; his blood was boiling in anger.

“You don’t know?” He repeated coldly. 

“I wish I could explain—“

He turned around angrily, with gritted teeth, and he clenched his fists so hard, that he dug his nails into his palms. He didn’t care. It didn’t hurt nearly as much as his heart right now.

“Then explain it,” he demanded furiously. “It’s not so hard, Evans! Explain to me!”

She didn’t look at him this time. She looked down on her lap. Her hair fell like a red curtain in front of her face. Her hands, he noticed, were shaking.

“I wasn’t meant to hurt you,” she said quietly. “I really didn’t… I always thought you weren’t serious about me, that I was just… someone to throw away when you were done playing.  I never realized—“

“That, what, that I might love you?” James interrupted her. “Well, you were all wrong, missy.”

“I know.”

She looked at him, and James felt his heart sink down to the pit of his stomach.

“I know, James,” she said again. “I didn’t know before, but after seeing your face last night… I knew then. I feel awful about it.” she sniffed, and wiped away some tears before she continued.

“I want to be honest with you, James, and I really need to say this, before you storm off. I know you will probably hate me, and I really don’t deserve your friendship after all I done to you. I just need you to know that… last night…” James eyes widened. His heart was beating frantically again. “Last night meant more to me than what I let you think, James. I don’t regret being with you. It was just all these stupid thoughts that made me do something stupid like letting you think that…” her cheeks were turning into a deep shade of red. “That I don’t love you. But I do, James, I do. I… I love you.”

She looked away. James stared at her. He couldn’t believe his eyes.

“You… you love me?” he stammered.

“Yes, silly, I love you. You were right all along, I really do—“

“You love me?” He asked her again, this time louder. He couldn’t believe his eyes. He suddenly wasn’t feeling angry anymore.  He hurried over to her, and kneeled in front of her, forcing her to look at him. She was blushing adorably, and the anger he had felt, was now replaced with playful fluttering inside of him. 

“Lily, tell me you’re serious,” he begged her.

She finally met his gaze.

“I am.”

He couldn’t resist any longer. He pounced at her, so that they both fell back on the sofa, kissing her with all his might.

“I love you, Lily, he whispered all over again, kisses after kisses. She smiled happily and buried her hands into his hair.

“I’m glad.”

James grinned widely, and nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck. He whispered the three little words again, and soon enough, they both fell into a deep slumber tangled in each other’s arms, for the lack of sleep.

 

*******

**So, I hope the ending made you satisfied. Reviews are love! Thank you all for reading this!**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
